Not what you think it is!
by Heavychop
Summary: There are sounds of gasping, panting, cursing and swearing coming from a certain room of the Varia mansion, and there are two persons in that particular room. One-shot. Crack, and very dirty...


**Hi I want to say sorry to all my readers before I changed the status of this story to "complete" Gomenasai for confusing you guys! *Bows* ****I didn't realised the status of story was "in-progress" when it was already completed actually~ Oops... I'm quite clueless, you see.**

**To my new readers, enjoy~ ^_^**

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"Urghh~ V-voi! C-can't you be a little bit... Ahhhh, faster! FASTER! Urggh~" pants Squalo as he sticks out his pitiful ass, arching his back against the wall in front. Oh God he's going to explode anytime now, moving back and fourth a little too uneasily.

"S-shut up urghh... you fucking t-trash.. Tch, I rip the trashy ass of yoursss once I-I get this ahh.. Fucking crap out-t o-of meee..." Xanxus hisses, disregards of Squalo's agony, or to be specific, completely ignores what Squalo keens for and taking his own sweet time doing his cocky business in there. Why should he give a fuck on what that shark trash's needs?

"Ahhh... T-THIS IS A FUCKING EMERGENCY! I N-NEEDD IT, NOW! AHHH~~" Squalo screams with all his mighty, despite the fact that his body can't really hold himself together anymore. He _really really_ needs to let it go, now. His hair bends and dances along with the rhythmic movements Squalo is making, twitching in an unstable state of physical condition. The swordsman is already at the verge of leaking, but the motherfucker is still in the fucking filthy space and he won't let the poor swordsman and his shitty ass a damn release.

"Hahh.. You d-damn shark... Haahhh like t-the hell I care if you-u need it o-or nott ahh.. I'm n-not done in here urgh~ Stupid.." Xanxus painstakingly tries to force the fuck out of him, but it seems to be caught in the rectal. Shit. Is it really _stuck_!? Oh God, he's screwed. And it's all the shark trash's fault. Fuck, this hurts like hell. He forces it out again from the shitty hole, but of no avail as it still refuse to soften even after such a long period.

"Vooii... You sun ova bitchhhe~~~ Screw you! SCREW YOU!" the now prideless swordsman's is facing a hard rectal trauma. Ouch. His pitiful anus suffers the unbearable but still slightly bearable pain leads him to scratch the nearest thing within reach hard and curses and swears like a bitchy, annoying woman as it's the only thing he can do after being defeated by the stronger man. His body urges him to release, but he can't, he can't. Because the motherfucker got hold of his escape. And the worst part is, the surface he's scratching turns out to be one of the largest asteroid collection in the room. But anyways, the good news is: the fucking stone is tough enough to withstand Squalo's torture, so the swordsman won't have to pay for a new one with his salary while the bad news is: the stone is too hard and rough that the nicely trimmed fingernails of the proud second sword emperor chips off and left his fingers raw and bleed. The shark once again roars the language of hell with the volume that can bring a solid roof to shatter.

"Hahh no ahh I screwed you... Urgh why won't the shitty thing come out! I'll tear a bigger opening for the fucking hole urghh even urgh... even at the highest cost!"

"URRGGHHH FUCK!"

Panting and cursing sounds of two men from the very room can be heard several yards away, and the members of Varia knows to stay away from the source of danger. Knowing what may become if they trespass the private room only for most privileged. Well you know, nobody is daring enough to sneak peek of what their higher-ups are doing in there. They aren't looking forward to open the death's door, are they?

"Noooooo YOU HAVE TO GET OUT! NOW NOW! I can't h-hold it any loooongerr!" The swordsman that is crawling and twitching and arching his back pathetically one moment ago is now close to jumping at the scowling man sitting on top of the toilet bowl, but that's if he still have the energy left for him to kick down the loo's door. The Varia never buy anything unless it's of high quality, thus the name 'Varia Quality' applies in this case. And oh, did I forget to mention that even the door for the bathrooms are completely bullet-proof? And so, Squalo bangs and knocks the door multiple times as he can feel both his bladder and rectum are going to explode of repleteness. No. Not now, not now! He secretly commands himself to hold it in for a few more seconds, at the meantime cursing himself for choosing the wrong toilet at the first sign of urgent business.

"Stop banging y-you trash! Go some other place to shit your shhhhitt!" A furore Xanxus barks inside.

"The next toilet is too far away!" Squalo utters in complete misery. He could have went to some other toilet if not for his ugly state of wanting to piss. He definitely can't walk around the Varia headquarter crouching with his good hand clutching his groin can he? Imagine. The vice leader of Varia, the second sword emperor caught furrowing his brow like never before, moving in an awkward way desperately looking for a toilet bowl (lets save the high chance of soiling or wetting himself in the process)? His pride will never allow his to do such a thing.

"HURRY!" Squalo regrets the fact that he didn't put much effort on forcing Xanxus to consume fruits and vegetables on his daily basis. Now here the payback he get for not being too concern on Xanxus' health. He also blames himself for being too reluctant to shift from his comfy state watching the soap opera until he's going to leak. He bangs and bangs so hard until his fists hurt, but the man who suffers from constipation hasn't make any progression on pooping, yet. Squalo do almost everything he can think of, futile attempt to bang and knock and bite and kick the door, threaten and scream and swear at Xanxus, hold his member in between his legs... Well, including sticking his finger into his anus to cork the hole...

Squalo gives up everything when he smells a certain stinking aroma coming from underneath.

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**Reviews are great, good or bad!**


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